Upon entering Matthew’s room today (after waiting a half hour until we could visit), when I saw him I knew it wasn’t a good day. Matthew was still on the respirator and his body covered in iced blankets. His fever was still up, his heart rate high, and his blood pressure low. It is with a broken heart for Matthew and what his body and mind are dealing with that he continues to suffer in the way he is. I am beyond finding the words to express the helpless feeling of a mother to watch her son continue to endure these almost 104 fevers and other complications! His skin is so very hot, and his face beet red and his forehead just dripping from sweat! Today is day eight of this!!! When you have to leave there is a total feeling of abandoning him to suffer alone!!!
The day got worse!!! The doctor on the floor came in to talk to Dan and I. He spoke English very well. He told us Matthew has two big problems: first he has a clot in his lungs and second his fever is not responding to the antibiotics! (I thought he was going to tell me about the hallucinations and his ability to breathe on his own). They did a test on Matthew today to look down into his lungs (I’m thinking that’s good with the fever still up, his asthma, some pneumonia still, and the question of whether or not he still has fluid in his lungs… it’s good to be safe). He said a specialist came in to evaluate Matthew and felt he probably had this clot elsewhere in his body for a couple of days and in being combative from withdrawing from the ketamine it traveled in his body to his lungs! The doctor said they have increased his heparin (Matthew was on it already as a preventive of clots) in hopes to dissolve the clot and they have changed his antibiotics and put him on one more specific to treat a bladder infection.
A while later the charge doctor of ICU came in to inform me that Matthew’s condition was “unstable/critical,” to see if I understood what was happening to Matthew, and if I had any further questions. They certainly seem to be on top of this and were very supportive. He did say in Matthew’s periods of hallucinations today they were not as severe as yesterday!
Leaving Matthew alone today was absolutely one of the hardest things I have ever had to do! It ranked right up there with last Saturday night having to leave him in violent hallucinations!
Daniel and I left the hospital and went to the Basilica to pray for Matthew and light some candles for him. Mass was just starting and even though we only understood two words, the mass was beautiful and so very needed! We stayed a while and the church was almost empty so we went to light some candles before they locked up. While lighting candles a women came up from behind and handed me a beautiful pray card and quietly walked away (After I thought how beautiful. Even with a language barrier she gave me strength without speaking a word). I wanted to say the prayer in front of the candles but it was in German. When we came back to the hotel, Daniel, who had an asthma attack in church and a migraine he went online to translate it for me. We said the prayer. How incredible it was to the Blessed Mother in whom I have always trusted… who is my rock. Another message or coincidence?
After hours of the initial shock of this, I heard Matthew, who always felt when ever he had a problem he turned to prayer first for wisdom strength and guidance. Tonight I will learn a lesson and take strength from how Matthew would handle things and use it to pray harder and longer, for God willing tomorrow a better day for Matthew!!!
Matthew went into this coma believing and trusting in God and The Blessed Mother with all his heart that he would return safe! He has extra power up in heaven… don’t lose sight of that (with so many of our dearest family members we have lost within this past year!)
Tonight he is not able to do that for himself so I beg each and every one who reads this to pray hard for Matthew and keep our trust that in the darkest hour we are all holding strong for Matthew!!! I will not allow myself to travel down another road!!! It will be the only way Dan and I will make it through this journey with Matthew and all of us return home with Matthew a new man.
I need to leave you now to go pray for my Matthew. Daniel has been so strong. I don’t know what I would have done without him.
To those of you who have known and followed Matthew’s story for a few years now
(remember when he was in ICU hemorrhaging 1 ½ years ago… what a worry, but Matthew, Daniel and myself all came back due to the power of prayer. We will this time too!!!)
God Bless all of you and stay strong!
Love to All,